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Shumana's Quest Review, Insights from a snarky troll
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| Shumana |
Posted: September 29, 2007 04:07 am
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 Forum Troller  Group: Member Posts: 76 Member No.: 336 Joined: September 25, 2007  |
Perhaps it is just me, but somehow I don't think it is. I have noticed something that I find to be rather comical concerning our friendly Questgiver NPCs. Please don't think this is a rant. It's not. Just an observation.
Let's take Durator for instance. Lots of low quests out there. 90% of them make sense. Shumana go get me some eggs. Shumana go get me some pelts. Shumana go heal such and such grunt so she can get her butt handed to her again. Typical lowbie affair. Then there is the other 10% that make you scratch your head and just go WTF. Case in point. Razormane Quillboars are encroaching on the territories in Durator around Razor Hill. There are two approaches to this The intelligent approach: ========== Thrall gathers his army of loyal orcs to lay siege to these quillboars throughout all the lands of the Horde in order to wipe them from existence on Kalimdor. Everyone in the Horde gets free hams for Christmas, Thrall gains loads of charisma, butchers make a mint, much rejoicing and celebrating. The whole of Azeroth knows Thrall as a firm, just, noble, and generous ruler. ========== What really happens: >_> ========== Timmy the Orc Retard stands in the middle of Razor Hill wearing his ! hat waiting for some hapless yokel to start up a conversation with him. Said conversation goes something like this: Timmy: ZOMG!! Teh Razormane Quillboars are getting too close! They eat puppies! They paint frowny faces on our rocks and I heard them call Thrall a big poo-head! You must stop them [inset name here] before they get any closer! You are the only [inset class here] that can make it happen!! I will give you a shiny nickel and an old shoe if you kill me sixteen of them! Player: O_O So off we go, kill the Quillboars, only die half a dozen times this time, and return. Timmy: Yay!! Here's your nickel and shoe!  Next player rolls up, Timmy: ZOMG!!... ========== And so on and so on. If only to be a fly on the wall when Gumby Orc General, heretofore known as GoG, had to convince Thrall that this was a good idea. ========== GoG: My liege, I have received word from Razor Hill that the Quillboars are starting a campaign to encroach upon our territories! Thrall: This must not be tolerated! Ready my army and my worg so that I may lay waste to them! GoG: No need, sir, I found a much more cost effective approach! Thrall: Oh? Do tell... GoG: A single Troll! Thrall: Is said troll a highly trained killing machine? GoG: Not at all. She is a priestess! Thrall: Good! She will reign the wrath of all the Horde's gods down upon these interlopers! GoG: Um....not exactly. Thrall: Say what? o_O GoG: She's an initiate! Thrall: So let me understand this. You sent a single Troll, that could be blown over in a stiff wind and barely has the magical power to smite a turnip just so long as it didn't look at her angrily, against a legion of trained Quillboar warriors? O_o GoG: Yep! Thrall: Idiots! I'm surrounded by idiots! >_< GoG: If she does really good, we'll send her against the Burning Blade next. Thrall: o_o GoG: I already sent Timmy to go lay down in the middle of the street until she takes pity on him and looks at his glowey ! hat. Thrall: I hate you!  ========== I know it's not just Horde quests either, but other lowbie quests that just smack of bad logic. Is it just me? --------------------    |
 
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| Gaack |
Posted: September 29, 2007 09:40 am
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 Articulate Arrpeer Group: Member Posts: 146 Member No.: 207 Joined: May 17, 2007 |
heh. there are many quests that are major-wtf?
go, Timmy! |
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| Moradon |
Posted: September 29, 2007 02:13 pm
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 Friendly Neighborhood Curmudgeon Group: Member Posts: 574 Member No.: 12 Joined: October 26, 2006 |
Now that I've had enough time to stop laughing, I'd like to request more tales of "Timmy, the Orc Retard", please.
-------------------- Perfectly Imperfect
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| Nikajah |
Posted: September 29, 2007 02:18 pm
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 Agency Founder Group: Member Posts: 371 Member No.: 218 Joined: May 28, 2007 |
Agreed! That was fabulous.  --------------------  "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia." ~E.L. Doctorow Nikajah Silverleaf | Resto and Feral Druid | 450 Elixir Alchemist and 450 Herbalist | 450 Chef and Fisherman Elisia La`Roche | Destro Warlock | 450 Enchanter and 445 Ebonweave Tailor Nazumai Stormsong | Disc and Shadow Priest | 450 Potion Alchemist and 445 Moonweave Tailor Anika Sartienne | Frostfire Mage | 446 Inscriptionist and 420 Spellweave Tailor Jasaeri Silverleaf | Marksman Hunter | Dragonscale Leatherworking and 450 Skinner Kyna Moonlily | Prot and Ret Paladin | Engineering and Blacksmithing Aceriel Silverleaf | Fury Warrior | Mining and Blacksmithing Kyrana | Elemental and Resto Shaman | Jewelcrafting and Skinning Saralyn "Bloody Scarlett Faulkes" Michaels | Combat Rogue | Engineer and Jewelcrafting Briawyn Korik | Blood Deathknight |
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| Shumana |
Posted: September 29, 2007 06:33 pm
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Forum Troller Group: Member Posts: 76 Member No.: 336 Joined: September 25, 2007 |
I'll probably be writing up more like these as I do quests. I'd love to see some other people's takes on a few of the WTF quests out there.
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| Faelanna |
Posted: September 29, 2007 07:13 pm
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 Cinnamonbuns! Official Welcoming Committee Group: Member Posts: 569 Member No.: 46 Joined: January 02, 2007 |
Priceless.
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| Bluzah |
Posted: September 29, 2007 08:15 pm
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 Who says you can't look sexy and be scary at the same time? Group: Member Posts: 166 Member No.: 90 Joined: February 01, 2007 |
*after getting up of the floor from falling off her chair from laughter, she reads the entire post to her roommate, who is now laughing his butt off too*
Hillarious, good job. Tell us more stories! --------------------  L to R: Bluzah 80 Mage, Farzahrah Hunter, Sigfreda Rogue, Idunn Hunter(on a different server SoE), Rezzah Priest, Meddi Paladin, Laenea Shaman. |
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| Myrdoch |
Posted: October 01, 2007 07:58 am
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 Archmage Group: Member Posts: 507 Member No.: 21 Joined: November 21, 2006 |
More! In the absence of pie, I demand to be entertained! Timmy the Orc Retard needs his own comic series...if only I were talented. Even a little. -------------------- Myrdoch of the Soulkeeper Clan, Revantusk Tribe
Servant of He Who Stands Beside Time and the Bronze Flight (and occasionally Gruumash, Kryztynna, Chernabog, Torrgh, Sylmonius, Rhoab, or Keseltinera) |
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| Sariias |
Posted: October 01, 2007 09:38 am
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 Articulate Arrpeer Group: Member Posts: 159 Member No.: 316 Joined: September 05, 2007 |
Return to me when you have collected no less than two fists worth of caracoli... Ogre sized fists.
<Elementalist Lo'ap makes two fists and shakes his head in disapproval.> Ogre sized... --------------------  |
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| Nikhodi |
Posted: October 01, 2007 03:53 pm
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 The Producer Group: Moderator Posts: 1169 Member No.: 1 Joined: October 12, 2006 |
We have a few artists here. Any takers?  -------------------- Cultivating an environment that allows this level of immersion rests largely upon the shoulders of you, the player.
-From the World of Warcraft Role-Playing Policy |
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